


Extra Credit

by PinkImpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bisexual Dean, Communication, E-mail, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Football, M/M, Partying, Texting, Upset Castiel, Upset Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-20 15:57:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6015244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkImpala/pseuds/PinkImpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is an incoming freshman at the University of Kansas studying aerospace engineering. After his anxiety causes him to be late for the first class of the semester he is stuck sitting next to Dean Winchester in the back of the lecture hall. When Dean sparks conversation due to missing class, he may of accidentally sparked something else with it. </p><p>Told mainly through various forms of communication (emails, note passing, texts, and phone calls) new found friendship is tested with confusion, mistakes, and saying 'I'm sorry'. </p><p>Here's to hoping for a happy ending and winning at beer pong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Email

_Cas had never felt so stupid in his life. Class started at 10 and it was already 10:15 by the time he snuck into the back of the lecture hall at the University of Kansas. He had let his anxiety get the best of him once again and hit the snooze button on the alarm one… or five, too many times. Once Cas walked in there was only three seats left so he chose the one closest to the door in hopes that it would keep him from being noticed. As soon as he sat down the professor made a request that changed everything._

_“If everyone could take out a piece of paper and write your name and school email address, then pass to the person on your left. That way if the person to the left of you misses class, they have someone to contact for notes and homework.”_

_He began getting supplies out of his bag and by the time he had everything out and in order, a half crumpled note was resting on his hands that read:_

_Dean Winchester_  
d.winchester@ku.edu  
P.S. Don’t expect much from me. Sorry. 

_He looked to see where the note had come from and was shocked to see the most least likely college student ever, who also managed to have the most perfect shade of green eyes amplified by just the right amount of sleep deprivation._

_The following two and a half hours were agonizing, and once it finally ended was when he thought he finally breathed. Cas ran back to his dorm and swore that he’d never be late for class again._

_He stuck to that, always showing up to class 20 minutes early and on the day he had class with Dean he arrived so early, no one else was there, allowing him to sit in the front row, as far away as he possibly could from where he met the man he would never forget. Two weeks later he received an email._

**To: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)  
** **From: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 2:47pm on Wednesday, September 14th**

I don’t know if you remember me, but we sat next to each other on the first day of Freshman Seminar. I saw you write your name on the sign in sheet, which is how I got your email. (in case you were wondering) I missed class today because of family issues and was wondering if you could fill me in.

-Dean

_It took Cas a half hour to type a response and another half hour to send it._

**To: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)  
** **From: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 3:50pm on Wednesday, September 14th**

Hello Dean Winchester,  
There was no homework assigned as our professor is being required to present research she did in order to complete her Ph.D., and therefore our class does not meet next week. However an extra credit assignment was discussed that includes a four page paper on the history of the school. Let me know if you wish to receive a copy of the extra credit assignment. It is due at the beginning of our next class.

Castiel Novak  
BS in Engineering ‘17  
University of Kansas

_Cas could feel his stomach reach his throat when he clicked on send. He was unbelievably nervous, refreshing the browser every five minutes as if he was expecting an immediate response. Cas gave up refreshing the screen after 40 minutes and didn’t receive another email until two days later._

**To: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)  
** **From: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 1:15 on Friday, September 16th**

Thanks for the info, Cas. (Is it okay if I call you Cas?) You can send the requirements for the extra credit. I doubt I’ll do it, but probably should.

-Dean  
(am I supposed to insert my college info here??)

**To: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ksu.edu)  
** **From: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ksu.edu)**  
**sent at 2:00pm on Friday, September 16th**

Hello Dean,  
To start, yes I supposed you may call me Cas. No one has ever called me that before. And I have attached a document with the requirements for the extra credit assignment. If you don’t mind me asking, why do you think you won’t do it? I already completed mine and it’s not due for another two weeks, took all of maybe five hours, but I’m sure that’s only because I like to spend time perfecting things. I have no doubts you could complete this assignment in an hour.

Castiel Novak  
BS in Engineering ‘17  
University of Kansas  
P.S. No, you don’t have to have such info. I use this email when contacting potential future employers and internship opportunities, so I try to make a professional impression.

**To: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)  
** **From: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 9:45pm on Friday, September 16th**

Cas it is then. And I just have a lot of responsibilities. Work, transporting my brother to the library, all that fun stuff, it takes up time. So five hours on a four page paper, huh? Well if it takes you five, it will take me ten. Attention span of a goldfish over here. But I’ll give it a shot. Hey, if you don’t mind. Would you read it over for me? In case I completely mess it up, at least I’ll have a chance to fix it. Not really worth doing if you don’t get the extra credit because it’s so bad, ya know what I mean?

-Dean

**To: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)  
** **From: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 8:30am on Saturday, September 17th**

Oh, if you don’t mind me asking, what is your brother’s name? And yes, I like to spend my time creating the best assignments that I can, it’s just what I feel is the expectation. Also if you would like me to read over your paper should you write it I will do that for you.

Castiel Novak  
BS in Engineering ‘17  
University of Kansas

P.S. No one really knows the attention span of a goldfish, but it is definitely longer than three seconds. (I assume you are implying you have a three second attention span.)

**To: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)  
** **From: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 12:30pm Saturday, September 17th**

Man do you get up early, cuz unless that timestamp is wrong you sent me an email at 8:30am on a Saturday morning. Damn. Uh, his name is Sam, you would probably get along just fine, he doesn’t ever really not have his nose in a book or whatever. And thanks, for both putting in the effort to read my assignment and for that info on the goldfish thing. I’ll get in touch with you before next class if I finish the paper.

Thanks,  
Dean

 _Next class. Thanks. Dean. Cas kept reading those words over and over again in his head. All of a sudden he couldn’t wait for the two weeks to be up. He wasn’t sure if Dean would be emailing him again anytime soon so he decided to try and focus on other things. Cas began to take up other activities around campus. He joined the LARPing club where he met his one friend Charlie and just to make his dad happy he chose to be a part of the student government. Before long Cas could be seen standing in halls asking if you wanted to register to vote or in the courtyard covered in facepaint asking if you wanted to pretend to be a viking. There was no in between._

***

**To: Novak, Gabriel (candybarsandcablecars@gmail.com)  
** **From: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 5:26pm on Sunday, September 25th**

Hello Gabriel,  
I warned that I would be checking up on you to ensure that you weren’t getting into lots of trouble. Freshman year was bad, let’s make sophomore year better. So here I am emailing you to ask what’s up and how the first couple of weeks have been. Everything on my end has been off to a good start. Look forward to hearing from you.

Cassie

**To: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)  
** **From: Novak, Gabriel (candybarsandcablecars@gmail.com)**  
**sent at 5:50pm on Sunday, September 25th**

Cassie!  
Enough with the overly formal intros, seriously dude. And so far so good! You can even ask dad, or Anna, even Lucifer will tell you I’m behaving! Can you believe it? I haven’t skipped class, yet. Made any friends yet? Would hate to find out my big bro is more of a doorknob than we already think he is.

~Gabesicle

 **To: Novak, Gabriel (candybarsandcablecars@gmail.com)  
** **From: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 6:05pm on Sunday, September 25th**  
Gabe  
I guess I can try to become slightly less formal. My apologies. Anyways I am glad to hear that you are doing well so far, and I expect you to do the same throughout the ENTIRE semester. And yes, your NON-doorknob brother has made two friends so far. Charlie (who is a girl, by the way) that I met through the on campus LARPing club and Dean whom I have class with.  


Cassie

**To: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)  
** **From: Novak, Gabriel (candybarsandcablecars@gmail.com)**  
**sent at 6:20pm on Sunday, September 25th**

LARPing? You’ve gotta be kidding me. 

Gabesicle

 _Cas wasn’t sure about lying to his brother regarding his “friendship” with Dean, but somewhere deep down Cas was sort of hoping that it would eventually lead down that path. And the subtle insult about LARPing was to be expected._

______________________________________________________________________________

**To: Winchester, Sam (moose_xing@yahoo.com)  
** **From: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 3:25pm on Thursday, September 22nd**

Hey Sammie,  
Just checkin up on ya, nothing too intense. Wanted to make sure that arm of yours was healing up right. You let me know if anything changes and you need me to come home.  
So how’s the library? Find anything interesting?  
-Dean

**To:Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)  
** **From: Winchester, Sam (moose_xing@yahoo.com)**  
**sent at 4:16pm on Thursday, September 22nd**

Hello Deano,  
You know I’m 15 and can handle myself just fine. No I have not made it worse and mom thinks I need to get out more. And I know damn well you couldn’t care less about what I read in the library.  
Made any friends yet? It would be great to talk to someone on my level of intellect for once.  
-Sam

 **To: Winchester, Sam (moose_xing@yahoo.com)  
** **From: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 4:28pm on Thursday, September 22nd**

Glad to hear it Sam! Mom’s right you know, you can’t hide in your room forever. And uh, I don’t know if I’ve made any real friends yet. I’ll get back to you on that. Looking to try out for football so I might meet some people there, but probably not the ‘intellect’ you’re looking for. 

-Dean

 _Dean thought for a moment that perhaps Cas might become one of his friends. But they were pretty different from what Dean could tell and he wasn’t sure if that could work out. Perhaps he could get them in touch, it’d be good for Sam to have someone as smart as he is to talk to._

***

_It wasn’t long before two weeks had almost passed and he would be going back to class with Dean. It wasn’t until 9:58pm the night before their class that Cas got an email from Dean again._

**To: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)  
** **From: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 9:58pm on Tuesday, September 27th**

Hey sorry for the super late email and everything, but I managed to finish that extra credit assignment and maybe you could be super awesome and read it over? It doesn’t even matter if it turns out to be really bad, you don’t have to fix it, but anyways. Thanks.

-Dean

 _Cas took a deep sigh as he crawled into bed with his laptop in hand to read the essay. It wasn’t awful, but it definitely wasn’t any good either. Cas figured Dean would maybe get 10 extra credit points out of the possible 25 that were offered. He stared up at the ceiling trying to think of what to write back to Dean. He couldn’t tell why, but he kind of liked their conversation. It wasn’t much, but at least it was something, a possible friendship?_

_Cas shook himself out of his daze and wrote a response to Dean._

**To: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)  
** **From: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 10:15pm, Tuesday September 27th**

Hello Dean,  
I have read through your assignment and you are right, there are quite a few things that could be fixed, but alas it is getting pretty late and I am off to bed. I have no doubts however that you will in fact receive some sort of credit for this assignment that you have completed. Don’t worry too much over it. I suppose I will see you in class tomorrow.

Castiel Novak  
BS in Engineering ‘17  
University of Kansas

**To: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)  
** **From: Winchester, Dean (d.winchester@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 10:20pm on Tuesday, September 27th**

Great, thanks. Glad to know it wasn’t a complete waste of time. Yeah I’ll see you then. Hey you think maybe you could possibly sit next to me tomorrow? I know you like the front and all, but I could use the wake up call if I fall asleep. Can’t be failing Freshman Seminar, way to easy of a class to fuck up that bad, that soon. Ya know? If so, I’m always in the same spot in the back.

-Dean

 _Cas didn’t receive the email until the morning when he got out of bed around 8:30. After getting dressed and brushing his teeth he finally picked up his cracked white iPhone and refreshed his inbox. His mind jumped at the sight of the email. He wasn’t expecting a response. His tired eyes skimmed the message until they landed on the words ‘sit next to me’ and then didn’t bother to read the rest. His heart started to beat a little faster than usual which made him question what the big deal was. Sure the guy was attractive, but Cas had never thought about another guy so much._

_On his way to class, Cas kicked the leaves on the ground coming to the realization that a lot of the past two weeks had been spent thinking about Dean. He remembered losing a practice round while LARPing because he thought he saw Dean on the other side of the field. He also remembered the way he stared at the back of a student who kind of looked like him a little too long when trying to hand out flyers on tuition hikes._

_By the time Cas had reached the lecture hall there was only 5 minutes left before class started which means he didn’t have to pretend like he remembered where Dean sat, since he was already sitting there. Cas sat down next to him and gave a quick smile in Dean’s general direction, to which he thought he received one in return._


	2. Notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two everybody! Let me know what you think!
> 
> *tiny pterodactyl noises*

_Not much else was exchanged between Cas and Dean. And neither of them would have been able to tell you what happened in class or what was covered that first half hour they sat fidgeting with various objects. Cas with his fountain pen, which managed to spread ink all over his favorite tie, and Dean with a necklace Cas had never noticed him wearing before. He couldn’t help himself but to agonizingly playing over different scenes in his head about what would happen once class was over. Would Dean say anything? A quick ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’?_

_It wasn’t long until Cas started picturing Dean offering to walk him back to his dorm, or to the dining hall, or even giving him a hug before they parted ways after class. It was a weird feeling. Cas had never thought that this was what college was like. He expected to be forced into going to a major party, or getting drunk in the middle of the soccer field at 2am. Neither of which he particularly cared to do, but his thoughts on college were a bit more conventional than what was happening at the moment. He wanted to know what Dean was thinking asking him to sit next to him and his mind wandered off again into making up scenarios that were never going to happen._

_Cas began wondering to himself if he was getting his hopes up over nothing while sitting next to Dean who seemed to be paying attention to neither the professor or the guy he asked to sit next to him. Instead Dean seemed to be too busy writing on another crumpled piece of loose leaf paper, much like he wrote his email address on the first day of class. Cas began to think that Dean had a lot on his mind other than class, or college in general, and wasn’t sure if there was any real point to sitting there in the back of the lecture hall where he could barely hear his professor anyways. Cas began to scan the front row of students to see if there were any seats left for him to nab the following week._

_A split second before Cas gave up on the idea of attempting to befriend Dean, a crumpled piece of paper with handwriting not worth writing home about fell on his desk. He looked at Dean who kept his focus forward on the professor, not making eye contact or even any indication the note was from him._

_It took a minute, but Cas’s eyes eventually found the paper and he began to read. The first few lines had been crossed out and from what Cas could tell Dean had rewritten the opening line about four times before he stuck with what he had written._

>   
>  ~~Hello.~~  
>  ~~I was wondering if…~~  
>  ~~I know this may seem awkward, but… ~~~~~~  
> ~~Hi~~  
>  Hey Cas, thanks for uh agreeing to sit next to me. How have these past few week been for you? I missed that one class because Sam broke his arm and I had to help our mom out since Sam wasn’t able to do much. Thanks again for the extra credit stuff.  
> 

_It wasn’t much, but it was enough to let Cas know that at least Dean was kind of thinking of him. It wasn’t a long note, it must of taken him almost 25 minutes to figure out how to start it, but maybe that was a little glimmer of hope that they had something in common. Cas took almost twice that time just to send a response to Dean through email._

_Which prompted Cas to wonder how long it took Dean to write out the email he received two weeks prior._

_After Cas had finished reading the note he looked up again at Dean. It wasn’t long enough to see if Dean looked back at him or not because he began to write a response on the same crumpled page._

> It’s no problem. I wasn’t sure after the first class if you were going to ever want to sit near me again as we do seem like relatively different people, but I guess that doesn’t have to be the end of the world. If you don’t mind me asking, how did Sam break his arm?  
>  I am quite happy to help. If there are any future assignments you need help on let me know.

_Cas added the last bit in hopes that it would give Dean an excuse to keep in contact with him. Although at the time it seemed a bit forward for Cas to even think of saying something like that to someone._

_He slid the paper over to Dean’s desk and waited for it to return to him with a response._

> Apparently he got in a fight with some kids at school. We’re new in town so he’s still making friends. Sam’s pretty nerdy so he gets picked on a lot. But I guess some kid helped him out the day the fight happened and now they’re talking, so that’s good.  
>  And thanks, I’ll probably take you up on that.

_The paper was exchanged between them for the rest of the class period. By the end, Cas had learned that Dean and his family moved to just outside Lawrence near where Cas was from and that they lived with just their mother. Cas found himself becoming more and more intrigued with Dean and his life. It seemed like he had been through a lot, but he knew better than to go prying into someone else’s life. Dean also seemed to be really smart, just not the kind of smart that gets you through college. He hinted at knowing a bunch of stuff from makeshift first aid to tuning all kinds of cars to what to buy so that you can consume all the different food groups in a slightly healthy way from a gas station convenience store._

_When class came to a close, they both got up and smiled at each other, standing awkwardly and unsure of who would be the first to collect their things and leave. After a quick moment, Dean gathered his things turned and left, all without saying anything. Cas left class that day with more questions in his head about Dean than about the freshman experience and how to study for finals._

***

_Over the course of the next week, the confusion only became worse as time went on. Both Cas and Dean came to the realization they were thinking of each other at random times throughout the day. The thoughts came over Dean as he washed the dishes Thursday night after dinner and he almost broke a plate that he noticed was painted the same shade of blue as Cas’ eyes. It angered him that he couldn’t bring himself to say something to the guy. It had been over a month and they still had never exchanged any words to each other. But he was afraid of saying the wrong thing or not saying anything at all worth listening to anyways. It’s not like Dean was shy, but he never really became friends with anyone who wasn’t into sports or cars or… or manly stuff. Not writing essays and doing homework on time._

_His mind kept wandering for the remainder of the week which was making him nervous. Tryouts for the football team were coming up and he didn’t want distractions while on the field. Two nights in a row he woke up to the thought of dropping the ball or being tackled from his blind spot because of Cas sitting on the bleachers smiling at him at all the wrong moments. The entire week Dean exhausted himself working on his game strategies and footwork hoping that it would make up for his lack of a streamlined thought without being interrupted with images of a guy who wore a button down and tie to a class filled with sweatpants and tshirts._

______________________________________________________________________________

_Cas kept getting lost in his thoughts at the worst times possible. He was called out for not listening to what students were saying at the student government meetings and lost every battle when LARPing. It didn’t take long for Charlie to notice and ask what was up._

**“Castiel, that is the third time I’ve stabbed and killed you. What is going on???”**

“It’s this guy in one of my classes.”

**“Oooooo pray tell.”**

“His name is Dean and we’ve been emailing and passing notes in class..”

**“Passing notes? That is both adorable and a little bit of a throwback to middle school, but, continue.”**

“Well we haven’t actually spoken to each other…”

_Charlie cut him off._ **“You haven’t spoken?!”**

“Not legitimately, no.”

_She dragged out a long_ **“Why not?”**

“I don’t know if either of us know exactly what’s going on. Like we’re not even really friends. He just asked me to look over an essay for him then asked if I would sit next to him in class.”

**“So do you like him?”** _She had a smirk on her face that meant she wasn’t going to back away from the question._

“What do you mean?”

**“You know, like, like him like him?”**

“Charlie, I’ve never even been on a date with a girl, well except once with this girl Meg, but I don’t think that counted, she left halfway through the date and didn’t talk to me after...”

_Cas started to doze off trying to figure out how many, or if there were any, dates he had been on._

**“Castiel.”**

“Charlie.”

**“Do. You. Like. Him?”**

“I guess?”

**“Great. That’s a great start. But do you think about him even when you’re not supposed to be focused on something else important, like not dying a very real death in a very real role play?”**

“Yeah, I think I do.”

**“Awesome. Do you notice something new every time you talk or see him?”**

“Yes.”

**“Perfect. Now tell me, what are the color of his eyes?”**

“Green.”

**“Okay, now I’m going to ask you one more time. Do you like him?”**

“Yes?”

_Charlie nodded her head in agreement._

_While Cas was slightly more relieved at the thought of having a solid understanding of his feelings he also became extremely nervous about what would happen from then on. He didn’t want Dean to learn the true meaning of his’ feelings and then never talk to him again, but he also didn’t want to spend his entire college career wondering if anything could ever happen. All he could do was to let it play out and deal with the consequences._

***

_Wednesday came again and both Dean and Cas found their way back to the same two seats as the week before. They started off with the same smile thrown in each other’s direction, but this time they lingered for a breath longer. Cas thought to himself that Dean’s eyes were more than just green. A lot was hidden behind that green. Charlie was right, he did notice something new every time they were together. This time it was the freckles. After what was actually three seconds Cas turned away in fear that he had actually been staring for a whole minute._

_Dean sharply turned away afraid that he had done something wrong and looked down at his desk, setting down a notebook which he opened and tore a page out of._

_Cas took a deep breath at the thought of another note that he hoped he was about to receive. Five minutes later he was reading the chicken scratch that came across his desk._

> Hey, so I’m trying out for the football team on Friday at 2pm. It’d be kinda cool if you showed up.

_Cas read the note twice. Once to find out what it said and the second time to digest it. He was slightly shocked at the idea of seeing Dean outside of the lecture hall. A part of him felt like that wasn’t going to happen. Like Dean only existed within the walls of the room since he had never actually seen Dean on campus. He realized it was taking him a little too long to write a reply and quickly jotted down a response. So quick his handwriting was almost as bad as Dean’s._

> Yeah, sure. I’ll be there.

_Cas saw Dean smile out of the corner of his eye and didn’t even realize when he didn’t receive the note back until the end of class. He was too busy creating even more scenarios as to what would potentially happen after the tryouts. But he had two whole days to try and figure that one out._

_Their professor made her final statement of the class and without any warning the crumpled note was back on Cas’ desk and Dean had bolted out the door. Cas unfolded the piece of paper and could barely make out what it said._

> Text me sometime. 785 641 9382

_Cas didn’t breathe until he managed to make his way back to his dorm. He took out his phone to create his first new contact in two years. ___


	3. Texts

_Friday came and while Cas had every intention of showing up at Dean’s tryouts, he still hadn’t texted him. He didn’t know what to say or even how to start the conversation. And while he didn’t mind the thought of texting Dean and he knew Dean wouldn’t mind, Cas couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding for some reason. Something about the way that Dean presented himself made it seem like he wasn’t the sharing type and while Cas was okay with that, he felt like there was no point in texting just to participate in awkward small talk. It felt like their relationship need to go somewhere and he wasn’t sure if texting was the way to get there._

_He showed up at the football field right at two. He snuck up into the bleachers and sat at the top near the 50 yard line. Cas could see everything from up there and he felt safe in an odd way, he knew that Dean hadn’t noticed him yet by the way he was looking around the field. It was kind of exciting to think that he could maybe surprise Dean afterwards. There Cas’ mind went again creating scenarios that were probably never going to happen. He thought of running into Dean in the locker room, the air still steamy from his shower, a white towel wrapped around his waist, dripping hot water from his fingertips…_

_Cas realized where his mind was going and forced himself to stop. He began to pay attention to the tryouts going on down below and that was when Dean saw Cas sitting in the stands and smiled but immediately went back to focusing on what the coach was saying. The whole thing took about an hour and by that time Cas had gone back to not paying any attention to what was happening on the field. It was clear to Cas that Dean cared about football about as much as he cared about homework and essays. He was genuinely impressed with the masculinity Dean was showing on the field. He looked strong. Like he could handle anything. It was thrilling to watch him display his athletic abilities, the way he moved between obstacles, remaining light on his feet at all times. Cas could only imagine what that was like, the thrill of catching the ball, making a touchdown, it was all very foreign, but exciting nonetheless._

_Cas began to think of Dean winning the game for the team, the happiness that would follow and Cas sitting in the stands exactly where he is now watching from above as if he were the one willing it to happen and by some force of God it worked. Afterwards Dean would take too much time, being the last to leave the locker rooms, walking up to him as he waited outside in Dean’s team jacket, they would kiss and walk away together, alone. Cas took a deep sigh after realizing what he was thinking and realized that it might not ever come true, which hurt somewhere deep._

***

_For some reason Dean didn’t believe it when he saw Cas sitting up on the stands. He didn’t want to believe that someone so good would ever want to be a part of something so important in his life. It sounded dumb but football was the only thing that was going to get him through college. After his dad left and Sam started feeling on edge, acting out, and their mother trying so desperately to just keep it together, Dean had a real sense of being an adult and making it on your own. Football would mean he could get scholarships, and scholarships meant another semester closer to a job that would help him pay for his family to be comfortable. But now football also meant being cool in front of the smart kid. It meant he had something to boast, something to make him look tough and like he could be worth something. It meant that maybe he wouldn’t just be the kid with barely there grades and a family issue he has to tend to. There was actually something attractive about him._

_Of course Dean could never know exactly what Cas was thinking. He still hadn’t received a text and he began to worry that he had gone too far, too soon. He was afraid that Cas was never going to text him, or sit next to him again in class, his mind spun out of control into thinking the worst even though he didn’t have to. He was also worried about what the team would think. What if he made second string, then first, and these guys became his closest friends on campus? What if they felt uncomfortable with a teammate completely and utterly head over heels for another guy? Would he lose his place on the team all because of a pair of blue eyes and a crooked smile?_

_Dean didn’t want to think about it for much longer. Once the tryout had ended he rushed off the field before he could even think to look if Cas was going to try and talk to him in person. He wasn’t concerned if Cas was making his way down the stairs smiling at him, getting ready to wish him luck on making the team, he just wanted to get out of there before Cas had a chance to make him weak in the knees when he was supposed to be showing strength._

***

_Cas was completely overwhelmed by the ideas flowing through his mind and didn’t want to chance ruining any friendship that may of started so he left the field without wondering if Dean expected them to meet up. But he did finally convince himself to finally send a text. He wanted to leave Dean a reminder that he was there and possibly start more conversation. At least a regular conversation that could be continued outside the confines of a piece of paper or wi-fi connection._

Today, 3:05pm  
Hey Dean, it’s Cas. I think you  
saw me up on the bleachers,  
but I did attend your tryouts.  
Hope you made the team.  
I sure wouldn’t have.

Today, 3:07pm  
Hey! Yeah, I saw you up there.  
Thanks for showing up. I  
think it went well. I find out  
tomorrow. I’ll be sure to let you  
know the official result!  


Today, 3:09pm  
Great! I’ll be sure to keep my  
fingers crossed!!

_Cas questioned if he should have used the number of exclamation points that he did and worried about coming off too strong. At the same time he didn’t care. He kind of wanted Dean to know that he was excited about their talks. However short and to the point, it meant they were thinking about each other. Whenever Dean texted back it meant he wasn’t annoyed with Cas trying to make contact, it meant he didn’t think he was too cool or whatever. It was nice. Cas began to think about all the possibilities of where they could hang out, where they would go on their first date, how it would happen. Would they just look at each other and realize they were thinking the same thing? Would Dean try to kiss him? Cas was digging himself quite the hole to let his feelings reside in._

***

_Cas and Charlie were gearing up for another duel when Cas’s phone went off and a snippet of “Never Gonna Give You Up” caused his face to light up red. Charlie moved quicker than Cas did and grabbed his phone out of his bag and looked to see who it was, but only after commenting on his choice of ringtone._

**“Subtle Castiel. And if you couldn’t tell, Dean texted you.”**

“Give me that.” _Cas ran around in circles trying to grab the phone from her hand._

_She paused and looked at his phone reading out loud what Dean had sent._

**“Made the team! Me and a couple other guys made it and the rest of the team is going to throw a party in celebration. Oh my God Cas he just invited you to a party!”** _Cas continued to no avail to try and grab the phone out of her hand._ **“Wait there’s more and if I don’t read it, you won’t tell me. It would be great if you’d show up. I know it may not be your thing, but I figured I’d ask anyways. Awww, Cas don’t you know what this means? He likes you and wants to spend time with you.”**

“Charlie, I’m about 99% positive that text does not mean he ‘likes’ me. It means he’s a polite human being.”

**“So are you gonna go? You have to.”**

“I don’t know.”

**“What do you mean you don’t know. This could be huge. You knock on the door, music and sweat seeping through from the other side, you’re let in. He’s standing there on the other side, this brooding dark look upon his face because he doesn’t know how to have fun without you…”**

“Charlie…”

**“Sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I guess I’m just excited that your, dare I say, boyfriend, wants to be with you.”**

“He is not…”

**“Yeah, yeah, yeah. He’s not your boyfriend. But one day he could be Cas. You better go to that party. Wouldn’t want to disappoint him so soon.”**

“Then give me my phone back so that I can text him a response.”

_Charlie handed over the phone and Cas began to write out his message. He was glad to find out that she did actually read the message sent to him word for word._

Today, 4:17pm  
Congratulations! I knew you’d make  
it! While, yes, you are right I am not  
usually a party person, I’ll be there.  
Just let me know when and where.

Today, 4:19pm  
Thanks! Yeah, sure thing.  
It’s tonight. In the apartments. You  
can’t miss it. Starts at 10:30. I  
guess I can look forward to seeing  
you there.

Today, 4:20pm  
Yeah, definitely. I’ll see you  
then!

**“Sooooooooo what did he say?”**

“He said I’m going to kick your ass during the duel.”

**“Oh, oh really?”**

“Yeah. I’m also going to a party tonight.”

**“I am so proud of you.”**

“Thanks mom.”

***

_Cas couldn’t help but think that 10:30 was a half hour after his bedtime and he realized how lame he was. He worried about what he was going to wear, if he should show up late as not to seem overeager, or if he should show up early in hopes of gaining some alone time with Dean before he became too drunk. Dean was definitely a drinker. There was no doubts in his mind that Dean was going to down a few beers and that would be that. Which was also nerve wracking because Cas knew that people did things they regretted when they drank. And then Cas began to question if he was going to drink, which he usually didn’t do and before it was even 6 at night Cas had worked himself into an awful state. He kept pacing back and forth, changing t shirts every twenty minutes because he convinced himself he looked bad, not being able to pay attention to the book he had to finish, and then he heard his phone go off._

Today, 9:15pm  
Hey, Cas! Have fun tonight  
and remember, say no to drugs  
and always wear a condom.

_It was from Charlie, which was a bit of a relief even if her comments were a little crude. It took his mind off of things and made him smile._

Today, 9:20pm  
Thanks, Charlie. But I’m afraid  
my mother already made that  
point. It’s nice of you to think I  
will partake in coitus  
however.

Today, 9:21pm  
“coitus”

_He didn’t respond to Charlie after that. Instead he went back to staring at himself in the full length mirror hanging on the back of his bedroom door. He sighed and figured how he looked was the best he was ever going to and laid down on his bed. Cas had become rather tired from his anxiety and closed his eyes for what he thought was only a second._

***

_Dean was getting really excited about the party. It was a little after 10pm when he started to pre-game and drank his first of many beers that night. He threw on his new team jacket and made his way to the on campus apartments. While walking he began to think of Cas and what was going to happen, if anything, between them at the party. Would they finally talk to each other? Would they spend the night glued at the hip? The questions started to take a turn for the worse. Dean began to worry about what people were going to think of this nerdy kid following him around all night. Dean tried to come up with answers to his own questions that would make Cas seem cooler than he probably was in reality. A part of him questioned why he even invited him in the first place. Dean kept thinking of the smile that was going to be plastered on Cas’s face when they saw each other at the party. It made him nervous. As soon as he got to the apartment he drank another beer. It was still too early for people to start showing up but the rest of the team was already there and it didn’t seem out of place._

_That was when his teammates started talking about the girls that were invited. Which of the cheerleaders were available. And who was reserved for the quarterback. Dean had almost forgotten that he had a new reputation of being a ladies man thanks to his position on the football team. There was an expectation of who he was going to end up with by the end of the season and that person wasn’t Cas. Dean tried to collect himself and remember that up until he met Cas he had been a ladies man. Always going on dates with a different girl every weekend. He forgot for a second that he was like that. And what was weirder was that he thought for a second he wanted to be in a regular relationship… with a guy. The thought was overwhelming so he swallowed the last of his beer and immediately opened another one. It was then that there was a knock on the door and the music came on._

***

_Cas woke up from his anxiety induced sleep and the clock blinked at him that it was 11:15. He sprang up from his bed, grabbed an old sweatshirt and ran out the door. Cas wasn’t accustomed to typical college party rules where it didn’t really matter what time you got there, you just generally had to show up at some point. Was Dean wondering where he was? It seemed late to Cas, but the party had only just started to become really good._

 _Five minutes later he was walking up to the apartments and it seemed like the party could be heard miles away. He wasn’t sure of the exact location, but the crowds of people flocking to the same place made it seem pretty clear. He followed someone he recognized from his physics class up the stairs into an extremely crowded hallway. The music could be heard from every corner and it was as if people were on top of each other. It felt like he was in a movie. He finally made it to the apartment where the party originated and began looking for Dean. Somewhere along the way someone handed him a cup filled with beer although it smelled like it was mixed with something else. He took a sip of it and had to physically keep himself from vomiting._

_Cas wasn’t sure about being at the party even after only being there for 10 minutes. He kept trying to find Dean to let him know he was there, but there were so many faces in such a dark space and anyone who looked like football player who he might ask for Dean’s whereabouts were passed the point of being able to cohesively give him directions._

_It was then that Cas saw him. Cas was walking down a short hallway in the apartment leading toward the bathroom and there seemed to be a few less people crowded around. He saw a bedroom door slightly open and he could hear voices. He heard moans and quick breath floating out into the hall and that’s when he saw them. Dean and this girl who could win the hearts of America with just her face, wearing white sheets around the waist, and a necklace of bite marks to highlight the collarbone. Cas froze in place, the music stopped, and everyone around him melted into puddles at is feet, reflecting back at him the heartbreak on his face._

_Cas didn’t care to see if Dean noticed he was standing there. As soon as he could regain consciousness he turned on his heels and headed for the door. He heard someone call out to him asking where he was going so quickly, but he wasn’t concerned with the party anymore. He wasn’t concerned with finding Dean and having something to say, or being concerned with which t shirt he finally chose to leave his dorm wearing, he wasn’t concerned with coming off strong and the reaction Dean would have to Cas’s true feelings. He wasn’t concerned with fixing horrible essays at the last minute and where he was going to sit the following Wednesday. All he wanted to do was curl up in his bed and not leave for days._

_Cas was walking in circles around the center of campus stopping to look up at the stars every once in awhile to ask if this was fate. If this is what was supposed to happen to him. ___

_It was midnight and his phone vibrated._

Today, 12:01am  
Hey, Cas! Sorry to have missed you at  
the party! I hope you showed up!  
We got shut down unfortunately.  
Hopefully I’ll actually get to see you at the  
next one! See you Wednesday, though!

_Cas could feel his knees give out and his hands flew in front of him to cushion the blow of falling forward. He started to cry and put pressure on the palm of his hands where the scraps from the brick walkway tore at his skin. The next morning Cas couldn’t remember making it back to his room, but somehow, he did._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THAT WAS SO SAD.
> 
> You've earned a cookie.
> 
> *hugs*


	4. Phone Calls

_Cas hadn’t spoken to Dean in weeks. Dean had tried texting him a few times, the first one or two were cheerful, asking him if he was around and then Cas didn’t sit next to him in class on Wednesday or the Wednesday after that, and the texts started to sound more concerned. Dean began to worry about what he had done wrong without having any clue. Every time his phone would vibrate and Dean’s name would come up he felt like all his hopes came crashing down around him. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn't get the image of Dean on top of her out of his head. It took time and a lot of instigating by Charlie, but he finally started to at least try to get over it. Cas focused more on his job as a newly elected member of the Student Government Senate. It wasn’t until the end of October that he realized it had been a month since the party._

***

_Dean had no idea as to what was going on with Cas. At first he just thought that he was busy. Dean knew that he was a part of a couple of groups on campus and midterms were coming up, but when Cas didn’t sit next to him in class he became really nervous. He kept going over and over in his mind everything that happened trying to figure out where it all went wrong, but to no avail. Eventually he decided that maybe Cas just didn’t want to be his friend anymore. He could barely see Cas sitting in front of all the students between them in the lecture hall, lending Dean to an easier time moving on. The school was getting ready for a Halloween special in the gym on campus and as a member of the football team he was required to do something to help out. So being the kind of person that he was, Dean decided to volunteer to play a monster running around the haunted maize being set up on one of the soccer fields. He figured it would get his mind off of things for the time being, and maybe being that busy couldn’t hurt._

_In the week leading up to Halloween, Dean didn’t think about Cas except for when Cas had asked a question in class and his deep voice sounded through the lecture hall and Dean thought about it throughout the rest of the day. The next day however it was as though that had never happened. He did question though if Cas was really that much happier though._

_The night of the Halloween special on campus, Dean immediately ran to the locker rooms which were being used as a makeshift “back stage”. He put on his costume that was somewhere between Freddy Krueger and Batman’s Scarecrow and went to his designated area of the maze, hiding amongst the abundance of fake corn stalks._

_The first hour was slow, in true college fashion it wasn’t until the later hours that students started to show up. At first a student would walk by every twenty minutes and then it became every ten, and eventually there was never not students walking past. Dean was lost in all the fun of jumping out at people, hearing them scream as he would chase after them until they were outside his zone in the maze. Dean had forgotten all about Cas. And then he heard something._

__“I’m too scared.”_ _

__**“What? Come on it’s not like they’re going to pin you down to the ground.”** _ _

__“You don’t know that.”_ _

__**“Well actually I do since they aren’t allowed to touch you.”** _ _

__“Alright, but it’s not my fault if I flail my arm and accidentally hit you.”_ _

__**“Fair enough.”** _ _

_Dean positioned himself to get ready to scare whoever it was and then they crossed in front of him without realizing he was standing there, hiding. Dean froze. It was Cas. He had his arm around some girl that Dean recognized from their class. She must of sat in the front row next to him._

__**“See, it’s all probably psychological. Nothing has jumped out at us yet.”** _ _

__“Yet.”_ _

_Dean knew it was his job to jump out at people, to get them running so that they would be pumped up for the rest of the maze. But he couldn’t. The first time he heard Cas speak, ever, and it was to calm down some girl with good grades and kind eyes. It hurt. Dean was entranced by the deep quality to Cas’ voice, how it floated through the air like a low whisper, it sounded honest and important. Dean’s heart began to race as though he himself was being scared by some monster waiting for him. And that was when he saw them smile at each other. That same smile Dean recognized from the day he asked Cas to sit next to him, the smile that made him realize maybe Cas was what he was looking for. They leaned in and kissed each other. Cas’ arm sturdy around her waist, a protective stance for a girl who was too scared for a cliched after school program._

_It was 10:30pm and the haunted maze was closing soon. That last half hour was exhausting. Dean had to push himself to jump out at students, to scream, use his voice for terror. All he wanted to do was go back to his dorm, drink until he couldn’t see straight and then fall asleep to a numb feeling._

_When his shift at the maze was over he ran back to the locker room and immediately went to wash off the face and body paint he was covered in, standing in the shower for what seemed like forever and until everyone else had left. It felt good. All he could think of were the reassuring words uttered under moonlight and the unnerving strength in the nerdy kids hands. Dean was reimagining the the way he kept her safe, made her feel comfortable, and wished that those arms would make him come to realize that every emotion he felt was okay. Dean had never felt that way about anyone, and he began to question if he ever made any of his dates feel that way, or if he just came off too strong and made them feel like all he was thinking about was getting into bed. To him it was never about being a man, it was about having fun, but that’s what high school and college were all about. Right? Dean didn’t want to spend much longer thinking about it so he finally got out of the shower, got dressed and headed back to his dorm. He took a few shots of whatever he could find hiding under his bed and laid down. Dean woke up the next morning in his clothes and a judgmental look on his room mates face._

__**“Can I help you?”** _ _

__“No, I’m good. But you should probably rethink that voicemail you left on whoever’s phone last night.”_ _

_Dean became really confused. He didn’t remember calling anyone. He whipped out his phone but the battery was dead. He managed to steady his hands just long enough to plug his phone in and waited patiently for it to turn on. He entered the passcode and clicked on the recent outgoing calls._

_Dean dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom where he began to throw up._

____

***

_Cas woke up that morning half naked and surrounded by long blond hair. He looked down at the girl sleeping on his chest and smiled. He was seriously trying to prove to himself that this was what he wanted and it was everything he could ever need. He reached over to his desk where he picked up his phone and turned it on._

_1 Missed Call & 1 Voicemail_

_He unlocked his phone and raised it to his ear._

**“Hey Cas, uh.. it’s uh, me. Deanie. I just wanted to see how you were doing and was wondering who, who that girl is. The one you were aaaaaaaaallllllll over last night. She’s… she’s very pretty. *hiccup* But nowhere NEAR as pretty as youuuu. Hmp. You should, ah, call me sometime.. Maybe you could protect me from all the scary monsters… *dean stop drunk calling people* My roommate is being a really big asshole so I gotta goooo. Byyyyyyyeeeeeeee.”**

_Cas couldn’t believe it. He didn’t even know that Dean was there the night before, or that he saw him with her. Cas realized that Dean’s drunk call was like when he went out walking after seeing Dean with that other girl. They had done the same thing to each other resulting in the same type of emotion. It hurt him to hear Dean be like that. Cas began to think that it was his fault this had happened. Dean still didn’t know that Cas had seen what happened at the party a month prior._

_Cas spent the rest of the morning trying to decide what it was he really wanted. He was either going to have to let Dean down slowly or he was going to have to breakup with Hannah. Either way he wasn’t looking forward to it. And he definitely didn’t know which one to choose. Cas didn’t call Dean back. He didn’t do anything in regards to the voicemail. It was Sunday morning and he wasn’t sure he want to deal with anything that day._

_Once the morning was over and he said his goodbyes to Hannah, he called Charlie. He was desperate and didn’t know what else to do._

**“Charlie. You need to get over here. Right now.”**

“Why, what’s up?”

**“Dean called me last night.”**

“OH. Give me a minute.”

_Cas paced back and forth for a moment once he hung up and then he reached for his laptop thinking it would give him something to do. He checked his emails where one came up from his brother._

**To: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)**  
**From: Novak, Gabriel (candybarsandcablecars@gmail.com)**  
**sent at 11:30pm on Saturday, October 29th**

Cas! Cas!

I met someone. He’s great. You’re not going to believe this. I actually met someone who makes me a better person. Like a real better person. I’m going to class, I ATE SALAD CASTIEL. A SALAD. Anyways his name is Sam and I think you’d really like him. That’s all from me for now. Anyhoo, how’s school?

Gabesicle.

_Cas filled up the time it took for Charlie to get to his dorm by replying to his very excited little brother. It made him slightly happier to know that his brother was doing so well._

**To: Novak, Gabriel (candybarsandcablecars@gmail.com)**  
**From: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 10:56am on Sunday, October 30th**

Hello Gabriel,

I’m glad to hear that you are doing so well. Sam seems to be a really good choice for you. I’m glad you two met. I guess I’ve been doing alright. I was officially elected to the student government so that has been taking up all of my time. 

Cassie

_Cas sent the email with no mention of Dean or anyone else for that matter. He knew his brother was too smart for that kind of thing, but at least he tried. Cas didn’t think on it too long as there was a knock at the door. Without waiting for Cas to even make it over to the door Charlie came in eating with chopsticks out of a takeout container._

“Tell me everything.”

**“Hello Charlie. Please come in.”**

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he called you.”

**“Yes, yes he did.”**

“Can I hear it.”

**“I.. I suppose so.”**

_Cas unlocked his phone and replayed the voicemail on speaker. Charlie looked intently at the phone as if it would tell her her fortune, if there was only a way to give it a quarter like at an arcade. It was the only minute where she wasn’t gulping down what Cas assumed was some form of Chinese food. The message came to an end and Cas looked distraught, while Charlie looked at him in surprise._

“Woah.”

**“Woah, what?”**

“He totally likes you.”

**“That’s what I was afraid of.”**

_Charlie cut him off._ “Afraid of? Come on Cas we’ve known that you liked him for how long now? You should be happy.”

**“I am but…”**

“But, what?

**“But I moved on. Or at least tried to.”**

“You didn’t move on. You made do with what you had. You thought that Dean didn’t have the same feelings so you forced yourself to look elsewhere.”

**“What do I do?”**

“You break up with what’s her face and you call Dean.”

**“And say what? ‘I’m sorry that you saw me with my girlfriend last night I promise it won’t ever happen again because we broke up. Oh, by the way, will you go out with this weekend?’ That’ll work.”**

“Ya never know. It just might.”

_Charlie looked at him with a ‘you know I’m right look’ on her face and then got up from where she was sitting criss-cross on the floor._

“Castiel, you know I only want what is best for you and I’m afraid that that is in fact Dean Winchester. So make your next move. Other wise you may get stabbed thanks to your crappy footwork.”

_Cas appreciated the dorky joke in reference to their dueling. They both started laughing. Charlie headed for the door._

“Alright I have other lives to save. It was nice doing business with you.”

_Cas let out a long hard sigh, closed the door behind her, and knew what he was going to have to do. He dialed Dean’s number and crossed his fingers that he got Dean’s voicemail. Luckily he did._

**“Hey Dean, it’s me, Cas. I, uh, I think we should talk. Sort out a few things. Meet me at the top of the bleachers at the football field, say 4pm? Same spot where I sat during your football tryouts. Text me to let me know if you got this. Thanks.”**

_Cas hung up the phone. He looked out the window and realized he was now going to have to break up with Hannah. He called her to come over to his room and since Cas was never good at confrontation like this he just made it quick and to the point. She was clearly hurt but didn’t say much about it. She got up quickly and left. Cas didn’t run into her again for the rest of the semester._

_It was 1:30 and Cas’s phone buzzed. It was from Dean._

Today, 1:30pm  
I’ll be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so unbelievably sorry it took so long for this to be posted. I had so much anxiety over my actual class work last week and it wasn't until this weekend that I had a chance to write.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> =^_^=
> 
> Muah.


	5. Conversations

_Cas could feel his heartbeat throughout his entire body and the amount of time left until they met up was almost too much to handle. Cas knew he was going to have to figure out a way to pass the time. He shot a quick text to Charlie to let her know that he had broken up with Hannah and he would be meeting up with Dean later that day. She replied with what he assumed would have been a very loud squeal had she been in his presence. Cas decided to check his emails and see if he received a reply from Gabriel. Sure enough, he did._

**To: Novak, Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)**  
**From: Novak, Gabriel (candybarsandcablecars@gmail.com)**  
**sent at 12:46pm on Sunday, October 30th**

Yeah, it’s great! He’s taking me to the last football game of the season at your school. I don’t know, I guess his brother is on the team or something. But enough about me. You haven’t mentioned anyone in particular in a while. What’s up with what’s his face? I think you mentioned him once.. And Charlie. Who you met……. Larping.

_Gabriel was proud that his dorky older brother was making friends, so of course he wanted to know more about Cas’ social life than anything else. And of course Cas had to preemptively mention Dean being a ‘friend’ when he really wasn’t. Cas sighed and began to compose an email. It was 3 o’clock in the afternoon and his stomach was in the middle of trying out for the Olympic gymnastics team. He could feel his stomach flip over backwards and forwards, and would you look at that his stomach was the first to land a triple backflip in competition._

**To: Novak: Gabriel (candybarsandcablecars@gmail.com)**  
**From: Novak: Castiel (c.novak@ku.edu)**  
**sent at 3:05pm on Sunday, October 30th**

I guess I’ll see you there then. I have no doubts I’ll be around and we can catch up then. So is this like a... date? I mean it doesn’t have to be I’m just curious. And yeah, my friends are doing just fine. Um, I talk to Charlie almost everyday and I still see Dean at least once a week. It is going well, you could say.

Cas

_Cas wasn’t sure if his email would fool anyone. It didn’t fool him and it probably wasn’t going to fool his brother, but he sent the email anyways. Maybe it would be enough to at least satisfy his brothers questions for now, until he could come up with something better to say, but at that moment Cas could only really concentrate on what he was going to say to Dean._

***

_Dean was worried. He kept trying to keep himself busy, he even tried writing an essay that wasn’t due for another week, but even that seemed like an impossible task. An hour had passed and Dean was still staring at a blank Word document that didn’t even include a heading. It was 3:30 and in a half hour he was going to be meeting Cas on the top of the bleachers. The same place that Cas had been two months prior, forcing Dean to question everything he thought he was sure of in his life._

_Dean grabbed the collar of his shirt and smelled it. The look on his face from the stench forced him to make his way down the hall to the bathroom to shower. Usually Dean would stand under the hot water for an extended period of time, thinking about anything and everything, solving ten existential problems before even picking up the bar of soap just so he could forget them by the time he moved on to shampoo; but he didn’t waste any time, making sure that he would be able to get to the field by 4._

_He jumped out of the shower and ran back down the hall, threw on clothes he believed to be clean (they were folded and in the closet, so that meant they were clean, right?), and rushed out the door not caring to lock it behind him. The football field was on the other side of campus and it was 3:50pm. Dean started walking slightly faster, almost breaking out into a light jog because a part of him wished to be early. But by the time he actually made his way onto the field, Cas was already there, his watch beeped at him that it was 4pm, and his heart jumped from the security of his rib cage to the vulnerability of his throat. He walked onto the field stopping at the fifty yard line, standing in the center, surrounded by the grounds that were supposed to be his comfort zone, but in that moment he was nothing but exposed and unsure, taking deep breaths and telling himself over and over in his head that he needed to look up. After a long pause he managed to look up at Cas, who in turn looked back at him. Dean took a deep breath and made his way up towards the bleachers._

***

_Cas didn’t know what to think as he watched Dean make the slow climb from the bottom of the stairs up to where he was. Cas remembered the feeling of being on top of the world, able to see everything from the place he chose to sit for the try outs and suddenly he didn’t feel so comfortable with that memory. The gap between himself and the player on the field was closing and Cas no longer felt like he was a safe distance from what he felt. Cas blinked and Dean was sitting next to him, rubbing his hands together as the temperature outside began to drop and the sun sat directly behind them. They hadn’t looked at each other since Dean sat down and Cas felt like throwing up, realizing that now that they were there he didn’t know what to say, but it was he who invited Dean so he assumed he was going to have to be the first to speak._

“Thanks for, uh, showing up.”

_Dean didn’t say anything._

“Well, what I mean is… uh, why did you call me?”

_Dean paused for a moment before answering. It seemed like he was trying to find the right words to say._

**“Look man I was really drunk…”**

“Oh. So…”

**“I mean it’s not that I meant… or I guess I was… Look I don’t know.”**

“So are we going to forget about it?”

**“Forget what?”**

“Why you got drunk and called me, why I stopped talking to you…”

_Dean cut him off._

**“Yeah, why did you stop talking to me?”**

_Cas wasn’t ready to answer that. He realized this conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere so long as this meeting was of Charlie’s idea, not his own. Cas wasn’t ready to tell Dean how he felt or how that night at the party made him wish that they could start over. Cas didn’t even want to tell him that he broke up with Hannah, he just wanted to go back to the way things were without having to talk about anything. And that was when it clicked that maybe they could try to forget everything and move on without having to have this awkward conversation._

“I don’t know if that’s relevant anymore. But… can we be friends?”

**“I guess so. Yeah… we’re uh, friends.”**

_Cas was pretty sure neither of them knew what that meant, or what it was going to mean, but what he knew to be absolutely true was that perhaps neither of them wanted to just be friends and Cas knew that that was a tricky situation. In college it’s never ‘just friends’, but maybe this would be different. Maybe he would be able to learn to deal with his feelings, get over Dean, move on, all without having to actually give him up. Cas hoped for that._

_They continued to sit on the bleachers for a while. Every few minutes one of them would shift awkwardly, and sometimes one of them would open their mouth as if going to say something and then quickly retract. But the one thing that stood out to Cas the most was that by the end both Cas and Dean were sitting a lot closer to each other than when Dean first arrived and sat down. Cas thought about that the rest of the night._

_Cas and Dean must of sat there in each other’s presence for fifteen extra minutes before it started to get a little too cold for them to continue sitting there. Without any true communication between them, they managed to stand up at the same time and head down the stair onto the field and back onto campus. Cas and Dean started walking together in silence. It made sense since their residence halls were side by side, but it felt like it was supposed to be one of those moments when two people went in separate directions, even if they were heading to the same place. It would have given some cliched meaning to their departure. Cas decided it would be best if he didn’t think too much about it. Every once in awhile their arms would bump into each other, or Cas would start to look up at the sky and cross into Dean’s path bumping into him entirely. The trip back home felt like it was taking forever, but Cas supposed that was how they made it, walking a little bit slower than normal, just so that they could perhaps be next to one another that much longer._

_Cas could see their buildings up ahead and knew that their moment together was coming to an end and was about to say something, just so that they wouldn’t end on such a silent note. Cas was afraid that if he didn’t say anything, nothing would change. That he wouldn’t be able to build up the courage to start sitting next to Dean again, at least for the few weeks left of the semester. There were four weeks left until Thanksgiving and then three after that until winter break and Cas’ mind started moving a mile a minute trying to think of what could possibly happen in that time. He wondered if they would continue talking next semester. Talking. As if there wasn’t the possibility of them being in a relationship, or even at a point in the ‘friendship’ where they would spend their days hanging out regardless of their feelings. Once again Cas was coming up with dream scenarios thinking of things that this time around, he hoped, would happen._

_He was over thinking in all of a split second, even though he told himself he wouldn’t. Cas couldn’t help it. He was in love with Dean._

***

_It was the following Wednesday and Dean was getting ready for class when it hit him that he may walk into the classroom to find Cas sitting in the seat next to his. But then he remembered him with Hannah and his heart began to hurt a little bit. Dean was wondering what the term “friends” really meant to Cas and if he was going to start receiving texts and phone calls, maybe even emails as simple as it sounded. Regardless of the mode of communication he just wanted them to talk, to communicate._

_Dean walked over to the lecture hall with nerves in his gut and a bead of sweat on his forehead. He walked in and sure enough, there was Cas sitting in the back, next to where Dean sat every week. Cas hadn’t seen Dean walk in yet so Dean took a moment to smile to himself and take a deep sigh of relief. Cas heard him let out the pent up breath and turned around and sure enough there was that smile, waiting for him, waiting for Dean Winchester, to sit next to him._

***

_Cas could feel the smile having an affect on Dean and they stayed like that for a split second. Eventually Dean sat down and the both of them focused on the class at hand. Although Cas couldn’t help but notice the glances from Hannah who was sitting in her usual spot at the front of the classroom. Dean was beginning to look confused so Cas took it upon himself to start the conversation and took out a piece of paper, albeit a little neater than the ones Dean used for in class note passing, and he wrote out the simple words he wished to convey._

> Hannah and I broke up.

_Cas passed the note to Dean who read it, smiled to himself, and crumpled up the piece of paper throwing it out in the trash can behind them along the wall. Not much else need to be said at that point._

_They went through the rest of class without speaking. Every once in awhile one of them would steal a glance at the other and catch them smiling which caused the other to let out a light and quiet laugh. It was… nice. Not the kind of nice that is boring and makes you wonder what better words could be used. Nice in the way that anything else was excessive and unnecessary. Cas didn’t need big words and an open letter to the world. He didn’t need Dean to pick up a dictionary, he didn’t need to be amazed. He wanted to feel nice, in the way the word was intended. Not lackluster, not unintentional, but with purpose and comfort. It was nice having someone who wanted to spend time with him and he in turn wanted to spend time with._

_When class came to an end they were both packed up and standing in the same instance. They stood there laughing and smiling for a quick moment and walked out the door. Cas still couldn’t figure out why it was so hard for them to just talk and have a conversation, but it was. He wanted to be able to ask him over to his dorm, or ask if he wanted to go get lunch, something, anything, but it always seemed to be just a little too difficult to make the words come out._

***

_Dean wasn’t sure what was happening between him and Cas. He like the idea of being friends. He liked sitting next to him in class. It was a relief to be honest. It was a long time since he had been in any sort of normal relationship with anyone. But he wanted to know why Cas stopped talking to him, what had he done that was so wrong? Dean couldn’t manage to figure it out. Considering he couldn’t remember the voicemail he left on Cas’ phone, which probably would have answered a lot of his own questions, he was afraid that it would happen again. So he tried texting Cas._

Today, 2:15pm  
Hey Cas. I know I probably  
shouldn’t ask you this  
through a text but, I  
was wondering..  
why did you stop talking to me?

_It didn’t take long for a response. Cas was always rather punctual._

Today, 2:20pm  
You are quite right, that’s not  
really a question for a text  
message. But, I guess I can tell  
you. But I think I’d rather tell  
you in person.

_Dean was seriously curious and worried. It wasn’t like it was not a big deal since they went a month without speaking a single word to each other. Either way there was just no knowing what was wrong. Dean had absolutely zero idea._

***

_Cas didn’t want to tell Dean what he had been feeling that whole time. But he knew that Dean would just keep asking and the longer he waited, the worse it probably would be when he finally did tell Dean. So he decided that since he didn’t have any other classes for the rest of the day that he would suck it up, and deal with it. He texted Dean again._

Today, 2:30pm  
Are you available to meet  
me outside, right now?

Today, 2:32pm  
Yeah, I can do that.

_Cas grabbed a jacket and ran outside. Of course it started to get cloudy and windy outside so he grabbed his trench coat even though it wasn’t supposed to rain. He looked rather professional even though he didn’t need to be. When he exited his building he saw Dean walking over, his strong jawline looked like stone and his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. Cas took a deep breath and smiled as he walked to meet Dean in the middle._

“Hi.”

_Dean didn’t say anything._

“Right, uh, walk with me?”

_Cas started walking to nowhere in particular with his hands in his pockets and a pounding heartbeat._

“I guess I’ll just get straight to the point then.”

_Dean still hadn’t said a word. It was kind of terrifying._

“So I stopped talking to you because... because…”

**“Because…”**

“I saw you at the party.”

**“I’m not following.”**

“Remember the night of the party?”

**“Kind of”**

“What parts do you remember?”

**“I remember drinking a lot before it started, I remember the cheer squad.”**

_Dean smiled when he remembered the cheerleaders. Which meant he probably remembered his interaction with whatever that girl’s name was._

_And that was when the look on his face changed._

**“Wait. HOW MUCH, of that night did you see?”**

“Uh, well, I saw you and who I’m assuming is a cheerleader. I mean, I don’t really know, y’all weren’t wearing a whole lot… I never saw a cheer uniform...”

**“Oh, no.”**

“Oh, yes.”

**“But that still doesn’t explain what any of this has to do with why you stopped talking to me.”**

“Well, I left after that because…”

**“Say because one more time without getting to the point…”**

“Okay, okay. Dean, I kind of like you.”

**“I like you too. I mean you’re kinda nerdy, but I can dig it.”**

“Not what I meant, Dean.”

**“You’re gonna have to help me out.”**

_Cas wasn’t any good at words. While his mind was writing a symphony, his heart was playing poker, and Cas was amazed at his ability to bluff. Or maybe Dean was just stupid. Either way, he stopped walking and Dean turned to face him. Cas looked at the ground for a second, huffed at the ground, looked Dean and raised his eyebrows in an “isn’t it obvious” kind of way. Dean looked like he was beginning to make sense of it, but trying to convince himself otherwise. Cas knew there was only one thing he could do. So, he took one step towards Dean, gently placed a hand on the marble jawline and melted his lips into Dean’s._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To borrow the words of Chuck Shurley.. writing is hard.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, this is a new piece I'm working on. Expect new chapters every couple of days so bookmark, subscribe, comment, whatever!
> 
> Thanks for reading. Mwah!


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